


the one in which Viktor can't cook

by LadyMerlin



Series: Domestic Victuuri Week 2018 [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Day 2: Cooking, Domestic Victuuri Week 2018, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humour, M/M, Not Beta Read, Yuuri is long suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 07:52:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13313787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMerlin/pseuds/LadyMerlin
Summary: Viktor can’t cook. This is a simple fact of life.The sky is blue, grass is green, Yurio is an angry child, and Viktor Nikiforov can’t cook. This, unfortunately, doesn’t stop him from trying.





	the one in which Viktor can't cook

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 2 of [Domestic Victuuri Week 2018](https://domesticvictuuriweek.tumblr.com/prompts): Cooking

Viktor can’t cook. This is a simple fact of life.

The sky is blue, grass is green, Yurio is an angry child, and Viktor Nikiforov can’t cook. This, unfortunately, doesn’t stop him from trying.

Yuuri loves him so much he doesn’t even have the words for it, but he sometimes wishes that his taste-buds were dead so he’d never have to taste Viktor’s dishwater flavoured beef stew ever again. Still, the slow disintegration of his mouth and tongue is a small price to pay for happy ever after with the love of his life.

Most days, Yuuri manages to handle the cooking before Viktor even enters the kitchen. Yuuri never denies it when Viktor blushes and calls him romantic, but he never points out that his motivations are more selfish than that. After all, having low self-esteem doesn’t mean Yuuri actually has a death wish.

(Viktor once put strawberries into a spicy hotpot and Yuuri still doesn’t know why. The question keeps him up at night).

On the other hand, Yuuri _can_ cook, and he can cook pretty well, if he does say so himself. He doesn’t think his mother would have allowed him to leave the house, let alone the country if he hadn’t been able to at least feed himself. He knows the basics and then some, because broke college students often need to be creative when they’re feeling homesick and can’t afford to eat out at good Japanese restaurants.

Yuuri is proud to say that between the two of them, he is the undisputed master of crock-pots, and microwaves are his bitch. Even Phichit agrees, though in hindsight that’s probably because Phichit just wanted Yuuri to cook for him.

Yuuri even knows how to make some 3-ingredient recipes which actually _work_ , which is a miracle in-and-of itself.

It doesn’t matter, anyway. Yuuri is happy to handle the cooking duties on his own if Viktor helps out with cleaning up, which he does, cheerfully and without complaint.

So in their household, Yuuri cooks and Viktor cleans and between them, they have a system which works.

However, Yuuri has yet to find a work-around for the days on which Viktor decides to surprise Yuuri with breakfast in the early mornings, or dinner after practice, and Yuuri has to choke down burned-beyond-recognition-pancakes or rancid-cream-flavoured-borsht with a smile on his face.

He never complains, of course, because everything Viktor does, he does with an abundance of love, but that is pretty much the only reason Yuuri ever eats anything made by Viktor. And also because he can absolutely imagine the crestfallen look on Viktor’s face if he realised that Yuuri hates his cooking. It’s too late to admit it now, so Yuuri’s fate is sealed. This is a secret he’ll take to the grave, which may be sooner than expected if he has to eat Viktor’s raw home-made sugar-free peanut butter again.

It’s not that Viktor doesn’t try, he does. It’s just that simple concepts evade him, because no one has ever taken the time to teach him how to boil milk or how to crack an egg without getting bits of shell in it.

On his part, Yuuri tries, but he doesn’t even remember how his own mother had taught him those things, and the internet is supremely unhelpful. When he asks Yurio for help, Yurio makes a flawless omelette without breaking eye-contact with Yuuri and then actually _backflips out of the kitchen_.

No one in the world has ever deserved a kick in the pants as much as Yurio, Yuuri thinks uncharitably, trying to gargle away the taste of something… unnatural in his mouth. Viktor later admits that he’d seasoned his omelette with rose water and rosemary, because it had sounded like a good combination. Yuuri’s stomach churns piteously, and Viktor asks if he’d like a second serving because he sounds hungry.

Sometimes Yuuri thinks Vakov is right; all these Russian skaters are as bad as each other. He’s pretty sure he’s once seen Georgi eating three-day old take-out straight from the fridge, without even smelling to check if it had gone bad. They were all in need of a good mothering, but Yuuri’s hands were far too full with Viktor, who had once set off fire alarms by putting aluminium foil into the microwave.

He can’t imagine how Viktor survived for so long before they met, wonders if Viktor survived on microwave meals and boiled rice and potatoes alone. It’s a really sad thought, that Viktor had so rarely had anyone to share his meals with. Yuuri supposes it’s a good thing then, that he never intends to leave Viktor alone.

Even if it means he has to deal with a bout of food poisoning every now and then.

**Author's Note:**

> less annoyed with this one than the first, but still, I apologise for this not being beta read.


End file.
